Home
by Roheryn
Summary: Living in the alternate timeline Sam thinks about where she belongs. Inspired by the song  Home" from Beauty an the Beast. S/J


**Home**_ by Roheryn (SnowWhite)_

_Spoilers: _Continuum

_Summary: _Living in the alternate timeline Sam thinks about where she belongs. Inspired by the song „Home" from Beauty an the Beast. S/J

_Disclaimer: _I own nothing, the characters belong to MGM and the lyrics to Disney/Tim Rice

_A/N: _Thanks to my beta-reader and almost co-author Corinna!

Btw, I assumed that somebody as smart as Sam would finally figure out that the timeline was already altered when Jack died, so she knows there's a chance of getting him back.

* * *

_Is this home?_

_Is this where I should learn to be happy?_

Here she was. Alone in this city full of people.

They had given her a place to live and permission to do so. She was told to settle in.

_Never dreamed that a home could be dark and cold_

Closing the door behind her, she stepped into her empty flat.

Sure, there was everything one needed to survive and for somebody who had spent a remarkable amount of nights alone in an underground lab it shouldn't be too strange, but now the dullness and loneliness of this place almost killed her.

Every day the blank walls seemed to become more blank, like pages of a book never written in.

She hadn't even bothered to take photos during her trips here in order to decorate this place a bit more colorful.

What would the pictures show anyway?

Her in a life that should already have ended?

Or the life of a woman who had no history here?

Her alone, without them – without him?

This timeline was nothing but wrong.

_I was told_

_Every day in my childhood _

_Even when we grow old_

_Home will be where your heart is_

_Never were____words so true_

_My heart is far, far away_

_Home is too_

„Home will be where your heart is"

She heard this phrase first in the stories her mom read to her. Then when her dad had to go abroad for serval months and the last time she had thought about it was when someone ordered her to go „home". That almost sounded contradictorily, since she used to sleep more often in a sleepingbag somewhere in outer space than in her own bed.

But she had never felt less at home on any planet than this one.

Earth.

This might be Charlie's Earth, Janet's Earth, Kawalsky's Earth... but not her's.

_Is this home?_

_Is this what I must learn to believe in?_

_Try to find something good in this tragic place_

_Just in case I should stay here forever_

_Held__ in this empty space_

She sat down silently in the armchair by the window - her first and only attempt to make the flat look as if somebody actually lived here.

It wasn't for the first time she wondered whether she should just give in to the circumstances and finally start a new live by letting go of the past.

If she wasn't to return to her former timeline, it would be better to forget it sooner than later, wouldn't it?

_Oh, but that won't be easy_

_I know the reason why_

_My heart's far, far away_

_Home's a lie_

But then, how could she let go of the the memories that were the only reason for her to endure day after day in this incredible wrongworld?

Slowly she pulled a worn piece of paper out of her pocket. It wasn't the glossy picture anymore it had been three years ago. Yet every wrinklejust showed that it had accompanied its owner on every mission and combat both on- and off-world.

Despite all the unshed tears in her eyes she had to smile; the day captured in this photograph had definitely been the happiest in her whole life.

It had been sheer luck that the picture turned out this good, because none of them had beenpaying attention to the camera. She could remember well how the grey-haired man next to her photo-self threatened to throw their spectacled best friend into the fishless pond behind them if he didn't put his camera down for one moment. Later this turned out to be their favourite image. It wasn't professional, but it was perfect; just him and her.

That was why she had carried it to whichever galaxy she had visited and she knew her heart would always be wherever the likewise negged counterpart to her photo was.

No matter how hard her attempts to adapt would be, she would never belong here and everytime she would refer to this flat as home, she would be lying.

_What I'd give to return _

_To the place that I____knew lately_

_And to think I complained _

_Of a dull provincial town_

Because you can't call a place „home" if you'd do anything to get back... home.

Where she could have team nights with her friends or have fun working for hours on the most incredibile „doohickeys" in the universe. Where she would be teased by him because of that.

She remembered complaining when she had to stay at her house or the infirmary and answering back to those who told her to „get a life" or invited her to fish in the middle of nowhere.

_Is this home?_

_Am I here for a day or forever?_

_Shut away_

_From the world until who knows when_

But _was_ there a chance of going back? She had no idea how Ba'al had messed with the timeline – at least no idea that would do any good now.

As free as she seemed, there were limits for her all over the place. She wasn't allowed to do some professional reseach on... anything. Not even past solar flares. Or to discuss the situation with the only peolpe that had at least a slight idea of what they were dealing with, hell, she wasn't even allowed to _contact_ her friends!

Everywhere she went she had to play act, not telling anyone who she was or what her real interests were. Even her name had to be kept quiet, because it was still too well-known. She wasn't allowed to be herself anymore.

_Oh but then _

_As my life has been altered once_

_It can change again_

_Build higher walls around me_

_Change every lock and key_

_Nothing lasts, nothing __holds_

_All of me_

Her gaze and mind wandered through the open window, up to the bright stars thousands of lightyears away. Yet she had beenthere.

Back in her time at the Pentagon, interstellar travel during her lifetime seemed utopic to her and the sheer existance of alternate realities had been theoretical calculations.

But if all this was possible, how could it be impossible to break the chains which tied her to this place?

Maybe she had to wait, maybe it would become even worse, but it couldn't last forever.

Until then her heart would wait for her in the time and place it belonged to.

_My heart's far, far away_

_Home and free_


End file.
